Saturday, January 22, 2011

What if...

I've been reading a lot of blogs for ICLW and I am amazed that there are so many strong couples out there dealing with infertility.  A few of the blogs give me hope that IVF will work for us on the first try and others make me sad and scared that it might not work and we will have to figure out what our plan B is.  I am now playing the 'what if' game in my mind. What if there aren't enough eggs for a frozen cycle if the first cycle doesn't work?  What if my eggs aren't good quality?  I'm so used to failing at pregnancy that I can't help but think the worst. But I'm trying my hardest to be positive...some days are better than others.

I had a blood test this morning (at the lab from hell because the good lab isn't open on Saturdays) and my estradiol level is at 345.  The nurse said they thought the level would be higher so they are increasing my injections for the next two days.  Monday I have another blood test and our first ultrasound to see how the follicles are doing. I asked when she thought the ER would be and she said she would know better on Monday but thinks it will be Thursday or Friday. 


Bridget     

11 comments:

  1. Sadly to say, I am one of the ones who is not a success story, and we had no frozen cycle, either. I would just encourage you to take each day for what it brings and try not to compare yourself to other people... I know, easier said than done!

    I hope your IVF is a success!!

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  2. It's so hard not to play the guessing game, but at least you know that you are doing everything you possibly can. Hope this week goes well and your follies grow, grow, grow!

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  3. I hate thinking of the what if's, but feel like if I dont I will find myself standing with my pants down, not knowing exactly what to do next. Having a backup plan keeps me sane.

    I guess they like to see the E2 levels double every 2 days so the increase should help out. Grow follies!

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  4. The more hope you have in your heart the more peace you will be able to have. Easier said than done I know. I completely feel your pain when you say you are so used to failing at pregnancy- yes that is what it feels like.

    Have your plan B, C, D, whatever you need to give comfort, but let a large part of you truly embrace the idea that this may just work!

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  5. Ahhh, the good ole what if games. I'm one of the blogger that IVF worked for the first time. It really does happen. From one infertile to another infertile I can say these 2 HORRIBLE words...Just relax, it's out of your control (for now). I wish you nothing but the best. I'm about to start IVF number two and hope that you return the "just relax" favor to me in a few weeks. Easier said then done right :) GOOD LUCK, I am now following you! :)

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  6. The opposite of your game should be given a chance too. What if it does work? What if you get a ton of embryos that fertilize and freeze and you have some to use if you decide to have another later on? What if you get pregnant this time? This version should help to balance out some of the anxiety and stress that your version creates without tipping the scales into getting your hopes too high.

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  7. Here from ICLW - best of luck with your ER, and I hope everything goes well in your cycle.

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  8. I can totally relate to what you are writing here. And I haven't even started with treatment yet. The more I read the more naive I feel because of all the stories and struggles.

    You can never know but I'm a great believer of Hope, although it can be good to be realistic to keep sane. It's a balancing act for sure.

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  9. Oh the ups and downs of stimming - I obsessed over my E2 levels and the worst part was not having any control (I'm not saying you're obsessing but I sure did), but the docs upped my meds too and so far all turned out pretty well. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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  10. How exciting ER is so close! Honey, you just need to focus on you and your journey because as I've learned, NO ONE'S journey is exactly alike. Head up girlie!

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  11. that guessing game is so normal. I have the same thoughts; while some give me hope, others remind me of the sad fate we may have. I wish we all had a magic ball that could tell us if or when our day would be :) hoping that bump in meds is all ya need!! xo

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