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Friday, January 28, 2011

I can't put it into words

It's hard to put my feelings into words right now. I'm sad. I scared. I'm disappointed.

I called the hospital to check on my embryos and learned that only 3 of the 8 eggs fertilized. 

I am thankful for 3...I just keep asking why?  What went wrong?  I thought for sure we'd have a higher fertilization report.  I felt so confident and positive. And now I just feel deflated and depressed.

I know I should be happy that 3 of my eggs were fertilized believe me- I am.  I know it only takes one to make a baby. But is it so terrible that I wanted my back up plan? That I wanted a couple of frozen cycles waiting just in case? 

We are scheduled for a day 3 day transfer on Sunday at 10:00- please send any prayers/thoughts/wishes for our little embryos to hold on.  They will transfer the two strongest and hopefully freeze the third if it meets their criteria.

Please, please, please let them hold on.

Bridget
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21 comments:

  1. KimJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    I totally understand the dissappointment, it doesnt mean your ungrateful. I think doctors should be better at communicating with us and setting realistic expecations. The fertilization rate compared to the # retrieved is typically 50%, so your numbers are good, it's probably just not what you expected. I am really sorry, but I am praying with all my might that your 3 survivors keep on growin & flourishing, soon to be babie(s)!!!

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  2. kkasunJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    I am sorry, that must have been tough news to hear.
    But at this point you can't do anything, but hope and pray for those three.
    It only takes one, but who doesn't want a back up plan?
    I will be thinking of you!

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  3. AndreaJanuary 28, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    Praying hard that you won't need a back up plan and that your 3 embryos are healthy, strong, and continue to thrive...and they turn into the family you're longing for!

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  4. Crossing My FingersJanuary 28, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    That is tough to hear but try to focus on the three you have! It's tough to digest everything with IF and it's just never easy but as someone commented on my blog before, God picks us strong women because he knows we can handle it. *Hugs and prayers!*

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  5. MicheleJanuary 28, 2011 at 6:48 PM

    Sorry to hear that things didn't go as well as you hoped, but stay positive so that the 2 they put in have a really healthy happy momma to hibernate inside of for the next 9 months.

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  6. Still A Guest RoomJanuary 28, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    It's fine to admit that you're disappointed...we all understanding being thankful for what you get but wishing you had gotten a little more. I will be praying for you and your little embies Sunday!

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  7. Lori LeRoyJanuary 28, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    Here's hoping those are the toughest three embryos ever! Hope all goes well. Will be thinking of you.

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  8. JohannaJanuary 28, 2011 at 9:03 PM

    I'll be praying for you on Sunday. Keep growing, little embies!!!

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  9. AnonymousJanuary 29, 2011 at 7:14 AM

    Ah, it's not wrong at all to want a backup plan when going through so much for coming to this point. Hopefully you won't need one. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Hugs

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  10. AnonymousJanuary 29, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    thinking of you . . . spend some time to feel what you feel (hurt, terrified, etc) and then spend the rest of the day with positive thoughts. we will all be thinking of you and can't wait to hear the positive news!

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  11. JenJanuary 29, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    So sorry it hasn't turned out the way you hoped. I'll be thinking of those three embies, hoping they grow big and strong.

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  12. AnonymousJanuary 29, 2011 at 1:47 PM

    Ohh B. I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but it is completely understood. We all go in with these glorious expectations and hopes and knowing the outcome is out of our control is so hard. The positive is that there are three wonderful lil embabies growing and waiting to meet you tomorrow :) I will keep saying my prayers for you all!! xo Here if you need me
    M

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  13. Miss MacJanuary 29, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    Sending 'grow and hold on' and lots of good wishes your way! Good luck tomorrow!

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  14. AJanuary 29, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    You are allowed to feel disappointed and scared. I have been where you are (last April/May), and it is a really anxious place to be. I will be praying that your embies grow strong and healthy and can be transferred back to their mama!

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  15. BridgetJanuary 29, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    Thank you so much girls- I love you all!!

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  16. Chasing BakingJanuary 29, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    You're definitely in my prayers. I'm in the process of IVF #2 and every step of the way is a challenge. Just know that even with 3, all it takes is 1! I will check back in 2 weeks to hear your GOOD news!

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  17. PearlJanuary 29, 2011 at 10:18 PM

    I'm crossing my fingers for your little embryos. May you have a successful transfer.

    Best of luck!

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  18. ChristaJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    I know that surprise and disappointment after thinking you'd have so many more embryos to work with - I know it's hard. I'll be thinking of you and I can't wait to hear how the transfer goes!

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  19. AntsJanuary 30, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    Hi Bridget I can completely understand your disappointment(after going from 20 eggs to only 2 embryos myself)it's tough, you feel that you should be grateful but it's disappointing at the same time.Hugs to you and sending tons of good vibes your way for your transfer-which you must have had by now so hope your resting up with your 2 embies on board! xo

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  20. MarissaJanuary 30, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    I hope your transfer went well today. Thinking of you...

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  21. Stefanie WolfaardtJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:40 AM

    Hi there, I found your blog through a search on google and joined as a follower to follow your journey

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