Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wait and Pray

It's strange how calm I feel after the huge event known as our embryo transfer.  In a way it feels like nothing really happened, like it was all a dream.  Maybe I feel this way because every other month we were TTC there were a lot of unknowns and stress.  And this month everything was known, don't get me wrong- there was still stress but I felt like we were doing everything that could possibly be done.  Blood tests, ultrasounds, three different shots every day, dates for retrieval and transfer, pictures of our embryos, actually seeing our embryos being placed inside my body...in the right spot.
On the opposite end of the spectrum I feel so excited.  And for some reason I am trying to hold it in.  Probably because I've been in that place of loss and devastation when a pregnancy didn't result in a baby.  And I know that this one might not either.  This doesn't mean I'm being pessimistic or negative....it means I'm being realistic.  We have a 50% chance either way and those odds are not letting me jump for joy...yet.

So now all we can do is wait and pray...I wish there was a secret for ensuring a positive pregnancy test after IVF- don't we all?

I made Steve have the "what if this doesn't work" talk with me before the transfer.  I'm not sure if we came up with our exact plan but he asked if I would do another round of IVF.  I'm 99% sure I would.  Nothing that we went through was so terrible that I wouldn't do it again. But here's hoping we won't have to make that decision.

Bridget

11 comments:

  1. how do the circle+bloom meditations guide you after transfer? i am in love with all their programs ;-)

    praying your little ones are snuggling in!

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  2. Praying for your embies! The 2WW during IVF is so incredibly hard. I had more ups and downs than I could ever count. I did a lot of praying and crying!

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  3. I hope this wait passes quickly for you! I love your 'realistic but positive' attitude. I have a good feeling too :)

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  4. I know, right? Those few days post-transfer I didn't know how to feel. It was such a huge deal but at the same time, there were moments I'd forget what had happened over the past 3 weeks. PTSD? PIVFSD? I dunno.

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed so tight for you!!!

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  5. Glad you are feeling calm and praying that you get wonderful news soon!

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  6. It sounds like you are dealing with it all very well. Cheers for Hope!

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  7. Keep doing what you are doing . . . we are all sending positive energy your way.

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  8. My fingers, toes, and eyes are crossed for you!!

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  9. Keep that positive/realistic attitude and know you can do this!!

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  10. Don't bother about that yet. If the moment comes, you'll decide then. But right now you don't have to, because you have every reason to be hopeful about this cycle. So put those thoughts aside and stay positive.

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  11. Fingers crossed for you! <3

    (Sorry I'm late on the draw here. I loved doing visualizations. I didn't have the Circle+Bloom, but just imagine your embryos growing, hatching, attaching, implanting in deep, dividing, etc.)

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I would love to hear what you have to say!