It's strange how calm I feel after the huge event known as our embryo transfer. In a way it feels like nothing really happened, like it was all a dream. Maybe I feel this way because every other month we were TTC there were a lot of unknowns and stress. And this month everything was known, don't get me wrong- there was still stress but I felt like we were doing everything that could possibly be done. Blood tests, ultrasounds, three different shots every day, dates for retrieval and transfer, pictures of our embryos, actually seeing our embryos being placed inside my body...in the right spot.
On the opposite end of the spectrum I feel so excited. And for some reason I am trying to hold it in. Probably because I've been in that place of loss and devastation when a pregnancy didn't result in a baby. And I know that this one might not either. This doesn't mean I'm being pessimistic or negative....it means I'm being realistic. We have a 50% chance either way and those odds are not letting me jump for joy...yet.
So now all we can do is wait and pray...I wish there was a secret for ensuring a positive pregnancy test after IVF- don't we all?
I made Steve have the "what if this doesn't work" talk with me before the transfer. I'm not sure if we came up with our exact plan but he asked if I would do another round of IVF. I'm 99% sure I would. Nothing that we went through was so terrible that I wouldn't do it again. But here's hoping we won't have to make that decision.