Yesterday I was so hormonal it was ridiculous. I'm not sure if it's the progesterone shots, early pregnancy hormones, or just a bad day but wow- I was on a roll.
I woke up grumpy, starving and tired. My day continued to get worse when I got into an argument over something stupid with my best friend. I overreacted and proceeded to break out in tears at work (really sane behavior, I know). Then I got home from work, had a painful PIO shot (that wouldn't stop bleeding), and couldn't figure out what to make for dinner which for some reason made me furious beyond belief. Steve had to go to class (I'm positive he was thrilled to get away from me) so I broke out my (buried in the basement since the last failed pregnancy) What to Expect When You're Expecting. It didn't cheer me up at all, I really thought it would. Instead, it brought back all of my thoughts/feelings from the last time I had browsed those pages....when I was so excited to be pregnant and expecting everything to work out perfectly.
Some people have asked why I'm not more excited to be pregnant and the only answer I have is because I don't trust my body fully....at least not yet. If I get to the first ultrasound and everything looks good- I promise to be more excited.
Every morning I wake up and touch my stomach and tell my baby(ies) to hold on. Every night I fall asleep holding my stomach and pray that this will really happen.