Yesterday I was so hormonal it was ridiculous. I'm not sure if it's the progesterone shots, early pregnancy hormones, or just a bad day but wow- I was on a roll.
I woke up grumpy, starving and tired. My day continued to get worse when I got into an argument over something stupid with my best friend. I overreacted and proceeded to break out in tears at work (really sane behavior, I know). Then I got home from work, had a painful PIO shot (that wouldn't stop bleeding), and couldn't figure out what to make for dinner which for some reason made me furious beyond belief. Steve had to go to class (I'm positive he was thrilled to get away from me) so I broke out my (buried in the basement since the last failed pregnancy) What to Expect When You're Expecting. It didn't cheer me up at all, I really thought it would. Instead, it brought back all of my thoughts/feelings from the last time I had browsed those pages....when I was so excited to be pregnant and expecting everything to work out perfectly.
Some people have asked why I'm not more excited to be pregnant and the only answer I have is because I don't trust my body fully....at least not yet. If I get to the first ultrasound and everything looks good- I promise to be more excited.
Every morning I wake up and touch my stomach and tell my baby(ies) to hold on. Every night I fall asleep holding my stomach and pray that this will really happen.
Aw, Bridget! My heart truly goes out to you. I cannot imagine the place you are in, but can empathize with battling hormones and desperately praying that all will just work out as hoped and planned. Your friend and DH will understand. Hang in there... lots of prayers and good thoughts coming your way for you and your growing family!!!
ReplyDeleteHormones are crazy, but thank God you are dealing with them. I completely understand what you're going through...I think each day I allow myself to hope more and more that this is really happening. My prayers are with you!
ReplyDeleteLove the look of the new blog! I certainly can't imagine the space you are in right now, but keep that hope alive and just allow yourself to have those bad days. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not "excited" enough, until they have walked in your shoes and suffered your disapoint they can not pass judgment. You are excited but you are also cautiously optimistic which to me says you are perfectly normal! Make sure you check out my blog post for today (weds) I gave you a little shout out :) You and your story give me hope and just wanted to make sure you knew it! Better day tomorrow !
ReplyDeleteThat uncertain thrilled feeling is normal!! How, after the road you have been on, be 100% certain and calm about this pregnancy?? HOWEVER, I am wishing that you can be. That you can bask in those glorious beta numbers and know that baby is fighting as hard as you are to stay with you for the next 9-months. Trust it and please try to enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself for being hormonal. I have to think that anything you are feeling right now is completely called for given the circumstances. I'm excited for you, even if you're not ready yet to be so for yourself. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling terrible right now, but know that everyone here is hoping and praying right along with you. :) best wishes, stay strong.
ReplyDeleteOver here after seeing your name on 'Chasing our Stork' - and just want to say a HUGE congratulations! I think your feelings, under the circumstances, and completely understandable - in limbo between the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And I bet time is moving like a snail. But you have done it! And that is a truly amazing thing! huge huge congrats! xxx
ReplyDeleteI totally know the feeling Bridget...but soon you'll see that little heartbeat and you'll be able to relax. Thinking of you xo
ReplyDeleteps - LOVE this blog design!
I can totally relate...I am recently officially pregnant too and am scared to get too excited/attached. Congrats on being pregnant, thought, and wishing you the absolute best!
ReplyDelete-Kristen from www.buckupbuttercup.net