It's up and down around my house. Some days Emily is smiling, laughing, happy, napping, and sleeping at night. Other days Emily is unhappy, crying, napping for 30 minutes at a time, and waking up multiple times a night.
I'm tired, beat up, worn out. My body feels like what I can only imagine a 70 year old might feel like. My knees are killing me and my back is screwed. I feel inadequate. I wonder how it's possible that my house hasn't been cleaned for over a month, how I can't have dinner ready for Steve when he gets home, how most days I don't even get a shower or get dressed.
Instead of cleaning, cooking, or taking care of myself I am stretching Emily's neck and doing everything I can to keep her out of a helmet, trying to get her to nap, timing her medicine with her feedings, and most of all trying to keep her happy and healthy. I know a lot of mom's who are much more laid back than I am and sometimes I wish I could be more like that. But I've seen Emily without scheduled naps, I've seen what happens when she doesn't get her medicine 30 minutes before she eats, I've seen what laid back looks like with Emily and it just doesn't work for her. I'm trying not to compare myself to other moms because I'm learning that every mom is just doing what they can to get through the day.
So my mantra is one day at a time. I'm learning what I can and taking the ups with the downs. Everyday is different and even on the rough days I am so thankful to have this baby in my life. Her smile is my whole world. She has opened my eyes in a way I never thought possible and changed me for the better.
I love you baby girl, happy 5 month birthday!
You are doing a great job! Hang in there mama, there will come a day that things will get easier. Some babies definitely thrive on a schedule and its good that you know that about Emily already instead of months from now! I wish I could take Emily for the afternoon and give you a nap or a day off! :-) YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM and it's obvious from the pictures that Emily just adores you!
ReplyDeleteEmily is beautiful. My little girl is three months and also has torticollis. We see a PT and are hoping (and praying) she can overcome and avoid a helmet. I love that you are taking the one day at a time approach. You have to do what works best for you, and that is what makes you the wonderful mama that you are!
ReplyDeleteAh Bridget, its not easy but its worth it. I can only imagine how tired you are. You need a break...want me to come and take Emily for a day so you can get a massage, nap and I'll even hire a housecleaner! (Pipe dreams, but if you lived in MN I would in a heartbeat!!!)
ReplyDeleteJust remember, you're the perfect Mom for Emily and your parenting will be just what SHE needs even if its different than what you imagined or what you see other mom's do.
Happy Mom = Happy Baby or maybe its Happy Baby = Happy Mom. Take your pick.
xoxo
You are an amazing mother. You know so much about Emily and what you need to do to meet her needs. That's really awesome. Don't beat yourself up over the things that can't get done. If there's one thing that seems clear now, it's that no one can be all things at once. The things other people expect of us or that we expect of ourselves based on what other people do just aren't always realistic.
ReplyDeleteHappy five month! All that matter is your sweet daughter, everything else can wait in my opinion. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteMotherhood definitely had its difficult times - you just have to keep doing what you can!
ReplyDeleteIt might be worth your sanity to pay someone to come clean your house once a week, and if your hubby can handle the baby for a half a day during the weekend, you can prep some meals for the week, take a bath, and just get more centered.
Good luck!
Those smiles make everything better! I know some days are harder than others, but you are doing great! I don't have any crazy words of wisdom other than what the ladies have already said. My messy house drives me nuts too, but I just lay on the cluttered floor with my little girl and say it can wait until tomorrow (or the next day, or next week, you get the idea?) :)
ReplyDeleteWhat an adorable 5 month old. :)
ReplyDeleteI found that I had a much harder time being a mom on maternity leave vs working full time. I need structure or else I'm a mess all day long. I can totally understand the need for structure and routine. And you're doing a fantastic job. That pretty little smiling baby is proof!
I understand! Some days I wish I could just relax and enjoy my baby instead of worrying about the stretching and the appts. and such. Some days he takes GREAT naps...ok...maybe one day a week...but I understand the structure and routine, it's needed in my house! The cleaning has gone out the door, and hubby understands that when he comes home their won't be a meal waiting. BUT, there will be a huge blessing with a cute little smile to come home to, which after coming home to only me and a meal for 11 years, is much better!
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mom. You know how all the books say every baby is different? They should say that about moms too. One isn't good or bad. Most of the time your "mom style" reflects the needs of your baby.
ReplyDeleteI bet if Emily could handle being less structured, didn't have medicine, or exersize to do, you could be a more laid back mom.
Either way, you are doing wonderfully. Do not beat yourself up!
i don't think it's possible to ever be fully prepared for what lies ahead in motherhood, but you're doing a wonderful job. all babies have good and bad days; it just comes with the territory. all those smiles and cuddles sure make it worth it, though! and it doesn't hurt that emily is one beautiful little girl, either. ;)
ReplyDeleteyou are doing what is best for yyou, for emily and for your family- I have no doubt :) be kind to yourself and know that you are an incredible mom and you are up to any challenge (even the unwanted ones!)
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard, but I hope you are finding some time each day to refill your own tank- something that is fulfilling to you and gives you a break :)
xoxo and hugs!
You are a mama putting your passion into a healthy & happy baby girl and that is hard work! I agree with some comments above to find ways to get a couple of hours of time for yourself... even if it's at home locked in the bathroom:] The smiles make us smile and the cries make us cry, right!?! You're doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteI can't get over how cute she is! Also, I really appreciate you sharing your truth here. I am loving your blog and am excited to be your newest blog follower :)
ReplyDeleteHappy five months, Emily! What a cutie.
ReplyDeleteOk I am going to have to kiss that baby pronto...she is so cute!!! You are a great mommy. I am struggling with similar things (as you know from my post today!) I keep going back to that quote that good mommies have happy kids and dirty houses or something like that. Lord know my house is dirty! One day at a time and surely they will sleep longer soon??
ReplyDeleteI really can't believe it's been 5 months! Happy 5 months Emily! Beautiful photos!
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