In my last post I talked about having a hard time lately. I'm going to explain, but first I want to say that our families are doing so much to help and I appreciate it very much. My last post and this post don't mean I need more help around here (I get tons of help), it's just how I'm feeling emotionally and I will snap out of it. I also appreciate all the comments, texts, emails and the skype chat with a few blogger friends- you girls saved my sanity that day, thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
I've been struggling for a couple of months, feeling depressed, sad, not myself. I know most of it is pregnancy hormones- but I feel lonely in this new town and I'm not having much luck finding friends or things to do with Emily. The town we live in is small and pretty remote. So there aren't any moms groups close by, no story time for babies at the library, nothing that you would normally do as a stay at home mom. To do these things we have to drive 30-45 minutes. Not a big deal right? Well it wouldn't be an issue if Emily didn't hate the car so much. She cries the whole time- there and back. Listening to my baby cry for 90 minutes to get out of the house for a half hour story time is not exactly a great time.
I miss my family and my friends. I miss being social. I'm not used to being alone with a baby for 9+ hours a day with no one to talk to. I never imagined staying home with Emily would be this hard. I love her to death but I am struggling and that makes me feel like crap. I know tons of moms would jump at the chance to stay home with their kids and here I am feeling like this. Some people say, "go back to work!" and I do think about it every day, but I have mixed emotions.... because even on the hardest days there are a lot of really great things about staying home with Emily. I get to see every new thing she does and I am always here for her when she needs something.
And then there is the thought that this little boy is going to be joining us in a matter of 5 months and that's a whole new set of concerns that I can't even go into right now.
Now you must know, not everything is boo-hoo around here. Steve is, of course, very helpful. He takes Emily off my hands as soon as he gets home from work. He plays with her, feeds her dinner, gives her a bath and puts her to bed. And we get time to ourselves just about every weekend or anytime we need it thanks to Steve's parents. I am thankful for both of these things because I know not every stay at home mom or single mom gets this kind of help.
But it's the day-to-day, during the week time that I'm having trouble with.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for being a stay at home mom? Maybe I'm just a hormonal pregnant girl?
Either way, I'll figure it out and I'll be ok.