Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I'll be ok

In my last post I talked about having a hard time lately. I'm going to explain, but first I want to say that our families are doing so much to help and I appreciate it very much.  My last post and this post don't mean I need more help around here (I get tons of help), it's just how I'm feeling emotionally and I will snap out of it.  I also appreciate all the comments, texts, emails and the skype chat with a few blogger friends- you girls saved my sanity that day, thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

I've been struggling for a couple of months, feeling depressed, sad, not myself.  I know most of it is pregnancy hormones- but I feel lonely in this new town and I'm not having much luck finding friends or things to do with Emily.  The town we live in is small and pretty remote.  So there aren't any moms groups close by, no story time for babies at the library, nothing that you would normally do as a stay at home mom.  To do these things we have to drive 30-45 minutes.  Not a big deal right?  Well it wouldn't be an issue if Emily didn't hate the car so much.  She cries the whole time- there and back.  Listening to my baby cry for 90 minutes to get out of the house for a half hour story time is not exactly a great time.

I miss my family and my friends.  I miss being social.  I'm not used to being alone with a baby for 9+ hours a day with no one to talk to.  I never imagined staying home with Emily would be this hard.  I love her to death but I am struggling and that makes me feel like crap.  I know tons of moms would jump at the chance to stay home with their kids and here I am feeling like this.  Some people say, "go back to work!" and I do think about it every day, but I have mixed emotions.... because even on the hardest days there are a lot of really great things about staying home with Emily.  I get to see every new thing she does and I am always here for her when she needs something.

And then there is the thought that this little boy is going to be joining us in a matter of 5 months and that's a whole new set of concerns that I can't even go into right now.

Now you must know, not everything is boo-hoo around here.  Steve is, of course, very helpful. He takes Emily off my hands as soon as he gets home from work. He plays with her, feeds her dinner, gives her a bath and puts her to bed.  And we get time to ourselves just about every weekend or anytime we need it thanks to Steve's parents.  I am thankful for both of these things because I know not every stay at home mom or single mom gets this kind of help. 

But it's the day-to-day, during the week time that I'm having trouble with. 

Maybe I'm just not cut out for being a stay at home mom?  Maybe I'm just a hormonal pregnant girl?

Either way, I'll figure it out and I'll be ok.

20 comments:

  1. It's such a hard thing to deal with, we've had several conversations about this but I'm in a pretty remote area too so I feel your pain. There are days that I feel like I am so lonely I am going to scream! I can't give you advice except that I'm here for you and know what you are going through. We should get our kiddos online and have them have a Skype date! It might add some spice to our days :)

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  2. Hang in there Bridget. I'm glad you decided to share how you are feeling. There's been an interesting conversation on the PAIL blog today about prenatal and post-partum depression. The first step to battling these things is getting feelings or sadness out before they have a chance to fester. In the land of IF, it's especially hard to admit when things don't feel perfect after having success, because we know how many other people are out there hoping for what we finally have. I'm having a hard enough time being pregnant, let alone doing it with one baby in a new place without any friends. But we're here for you!

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  3. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I have my family close by and lots of friends here and still feel like that some days. Staying at home is mentally and emotionally tough and you're right - I felt bad feeling that way too. BUT DON'T!!! It's totally okay and very, very normal. I hope you find a great friend or two soon and things start to look up! ((hugs))

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  4. Oh man I know how you feel being away from home. My husband and I moved out 1,600 miles away from my family and friends to a VERY small town 2 years ago. I have to drive 60 miles just to get to a Target! I'm still adjusting. I have some very lonely days and no real friends here. I miss my friends and family so much and I'm anticipating having a lot of the same emotions you have when our baby arrives. Your feelings are so normal my dear. I hope things start looking up for you. Just allow yourself time. Hugs.

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  5. Awww hang in there girl. I feel this way too sometimes. Just because we love our babies to the moon and back, doesn't mean that it cant get REALLY HARD sometimes during the day. Honestly, some days I feel like Im losing my mind. Sam cries a lot in the car too :) You are not alone. xo

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  6. So sorry to hear about how you've been feeling. I must say, I can actually really relate. We live in a small town, Spanish-speaking, no organized activities, most first time moms average around 18 years old.... and with all of these factors means I have had a really tough time making friends and especially mommy friends. It has been bothering me for a while but just last week I finally out of no where let a good cry out about it. I have lived in the town for 4 years and still don't feel I have any really close friends. Then also I can relate about 24/7 baby time. I work at home and have never really been away from Alidia.. I am talking twice for two hours and not even to do anything fun... otherwise she comes with Anthony and I wherever we go... which we almost always love but I think it would be good for me to get away a bit. Anthony plays pool every Thursday night with his friends. They go out, they play, they drink beer... he loves his Thursday nights. I have nothing. It sucks. I would love to start a Mommy and Me group in the fall and that is my plan but I don't know if anyone will even be interested since it is such a foreign concept to the moms here and they already all have their close families and friends. We'll see. Anyway, know that you aren't alone in your feelings. If I can help in anyway, let me know. Hope you start to feel a bit happier soon. It can be tough, that is for sure. Hugs.

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  7. I've been there! Sometimes I still wonder if I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. Even four years into it, I still have days where I feel like I'm climbing the walls to find something to do, or have a moment to myself. I even tried to go back to work for awhile and, for me, it was even worse being away from home.

    I hope you guys find some fun things to do in your new town...Avery use to hate the car as well, but she grew out of it and now we take road trips all the time. Hang in there!

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  8. The combination of being in a new town and feeleing stuck at home all day every day sounds so hard. I'm one of those people who wishes they were a SAHM, but the last two days I've been stuck in the apartment with a sick baby and even just that feels really hard. Have you thought about trying to find a therapist you like? I know that's something that helps me.

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  9. I didn't know you were on Skype :)

    We can playdate online!!

    Maybe it would help to work part time? Best of both worlds?

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  10. Even living in a big town and working 40 hours a week I sometimes feel this way. We don't have many friends with kids so we feel secluded in other ways, but it doesn't make it easy sometimes that's for sure. I know this will pass, and hopefully sooner rather than later, but I feel for you hun. I'm glad to hear your family is helping out in big ways. Hugs to you!

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  11. I really was right there with you when we moved to Cleveland 2.5 years ago. Working from home makes it really hard to meet people and it was quite depressing for the first year without any friends. Have you found maybe a "Mothers Day Out" type program that a local church or group offers? That might give you just a few hours a week to yourself that you can do what you want and get a break!

    Sending hugs your way!!

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  12. Oh lady - I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sometimes, I break down and cry b/c I'm working and I miss Taylor so much and then I know that I'd likely feel like you if I was home all day as well. It's such a hard thing to juggle.

    I know I'm only an internettian (I made that word up), but if you need anything, reach out to me. I'm here for you and little Miss E. :)

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  13. Hang in there hon. Did you read Sarah's post about this just yesterday? http://pailbloggers.com/2012/08/22/news-item-not-just-the-baby-blues/

    Thinking of you!

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  14. I am so sorry you are down...and the worst part can sometimes be feeling like you shouldn't be down. My family moved this summer, and I, too, am having a hard time with it. Moving is very difficult, especially when you stay home and don't have work as an automatic way to get plugged in. Thinking of you!

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  15. Even thinking about moving to a remote town, away from the hustle and bustle of our busy and social life here scares me, so for you to have done it...I can't imagine.
    I dont think you need to feel bad about not loving every second staying home with Emily! 1. SAHM jobs are hard and not for everyone, just like a business career isn't for everyone! 2. You are pregnant with a still wee one at home...hellooooo toughness! 3. What about a part time job? Just to get out a day or two a week so you can more easily meet people? I know the library by us has story time, maybe yours does? Thinking about ya!

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  16. I struggled through my entire maternity leave. It was a nightmare. I cried as my husband was leaving and was so depressed. I counted down the hours. I was so lonely and trapped. I am in a gerat little town with tons to do, but I don't drive, so it is a somewhat similar situation.

    I am so sorry, I at least felt a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I went on Prozac and that helped quite a bit.

    If you ever need anything, let me know. Thinking of you.

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  17. I'm sorry you are having a rough time. It is so difficult to be away from friends and family. Hang in there hon! Huge Hugz!

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  18. i'm so sorry you're feeling this way. i wish i was close by. we would have so much fun! i hope things go better and that you're able to find some new activities to get you both out of the house. you're in my thoughts. hugs!

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