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| Gavin's birth day |
Gavin is one week old today. I can't wrap my head around it. Maybe because he was rushed to Children's so quickly after birth, maybe because we didn't get the bonding time that you normally get with your newborn, or maybe because so much has happened in this week? It's probably a combination of these things, but I don't feel like a week has gone by since he was born.
We tried nursing today and it went ok, just not as well as I wanted it to go. He latched a few times which was great, but he didn't stay latched long. I felt awkward trying to hold him- I didn't want to hurt his incisions, I was worried about all the cords still attached to him, and I kept looking up at the oxygen levels on his monitor. Then the nurse told me he didn't have a wet diaper in the couple of hours after nursing so of course, I worried he didn't get enough milk.
I think everything is starting to catch up to me, physically and emotionally. I have been in a sort of survival mode and now that Gavin is out of danger the physical stress of not resting or recovering after his birth and the emotional stresses we have been through are all coming to the surface.
I am just so thankful that these are the things I am dealing with when I know this could have been much, much worse.
Thinking of you guys. I hope that nursing really takes off and that your little guy heals quickly (and you too!).
ReplyDeleteWhat an absolutely beautiful picture! I'm so happy that he is out of danger and I hope that you all are able to heal and recover soon. I see where Gavin gets his strength from!
ReplyDeleteHang on in there, you are doing GREAT! You have such an awesome personality, you can honestly NEVER blame or doubt yourself; you will do the right thing, no matter what. Please try to enjoy as much as you can, save the worry for later, or better; someone else!
ReplyDeleteOh Bridget, I can't imagine how hard it is right now. Having a newborn is difficult and exhausting anyway, so having one in this situation and never getting that time to recover and rest and bound, it must just be so so much harder. I hope that you are able to find time to rest more and more over the next week. I am sure nursing in that situation was extra difficult but if you still with it (if that is what you feel up to doing), I am sure he'll get the hang of it soon. Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine all the different ways you are being pulled right now, but you gotta make sure you remember to take care of yourself too. Like I said in my email, you DID just have a baby ya know? I'm so glad that Gavin continues to be a rock star and that he's out of danger, so hopefully things will settle down a bit and you can take some time for yourself. Just to reflect. You've been through a lot this week and probably need to come face to face with it all (if you haven't already) just to be able to process things. Love that picture by the way!!
ReplyDeleteI cannot even begin to imagine how hard your situation is right now Bridget. Having a baby is so hard physically and emotionally when the situation is picture perfect. Having a baby when you already have a baby at home makes things that much harder. Then add Gavin's serious health issue, having you sweet baby need surgery, not being able to hold him, being away from Emily. You & Steve seem to be dealing with everything amazingly well. And like I said, PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do to help in any way. If you can, keep working at the breastfeeding. Some babies have a little trouble getting started even when they nurse right from the start consistently. Ask for help. It's OK. And if it doesn't work out, that's OK. You have a lot on your plate right now. Do the best you can.
ReplyDeleteUgh...I'm sorry Bridget. I am sure it is all hitting you at once. That has to be so so hard. I hope you can get some time to heal yourself and just let it all sink in. or let it all out!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine trying to nurse in that situation. So much pressure. Give yourself a break...you both will get it. And, like I said before, if it turns into something you don't want to do, that is ok too! You know i'm here to help in you need me
Also, best picture ever.
That picture is just perfection.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry what you have been through. Sometimes I think these things happen to people who can handle them. I'm not sure I would be as strong as you. And you have a little fighter on your hands and things are just going to get better and better.
Thinking about your family nonstop!
Hang in there. Something I learned during my son's surgery:
ReplyDelete"You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option."
Dang girl, you need some real rest. I wish I could come be there with you right now...stupid job.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that this hasn't taken longer and that your stay at Childrens is going to be shorter than most.
You are doing the best that you can! Soon this struggle will be a distant memory and all you will remember is how strong you were through it all.
Oh Bridget, I can't even imagine how exhausting and overwhelming in every way the last week has been for you. I've been amazed at how well you seem to be taking care of both Emily and Gavin, but I hope you're able to take care of yourself too. It's important! Much love to you.
ReplyDeletePraying for you. I'm sure time is needed to process everything, then add in hormones, crazy! So thankful he is ok and recovering!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a crazy week it has been for you, WOW, I can't believe it has been a week. Hopefully you can find and talk to a really great LC in the NICU who understands more about how newborns with health issues/surgery adjust to breastfeeding. I can't imagine how difficult this must be and how much stress this adds to you right now. Keep trying and hopefully you and Gavin start to feel more comfortable and find your groove with breastfeeding. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking of you all a lot! xoxox
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and that sweet baby boy! I hope that he keeps meeting those daily NICU goals and gets out even sooner. It was so hard for me to leave H in the NICU to even shower or eat but day by day I learned and saw just what good care he was getting and how amazing those special NICU nurses and doctors are.... so please know that he is in good hands and try to get in some rest and recovery time for you too. It is survival mode but you will find the strength, sounds like your son is strong like his mama too. Sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way my friend!
ReplyDeleteI am so SO very happy that he is doing well (and is home now). I hope breast feeding has been going better now...when Avery was in the NICU we had to much trouble with breastfeeding, so I know how that feels. Wishing you all a happy, easy first night home with the little guy. : )
ReplyDeleteP.S. Can I just say he is just SO HANDSOME! What a beautiful baby!
Oh my goodness. Just catching up on everything. Do you think you could go through anything else?
ReplyDeleteSo glad he's ok.
Thinking of you and your sweet family and hoping you get some much needed time to just rest.