Monday, August 8, 2011

The dialogue in my head...

Blogging about pregnancy is very different than blogging about IF and IVF (obviously, right?).  Now that we are pregnant, there are still a lot of unknowns and waiting.  Before pregnancy, I waited to hear how my follicles were doing and how many eggs were retrieved and now I wait for the baby to move and for Thursdays to roll around so that I know another week has gone by successfully.  Do we ever stop counting the days and weeks?

I'm anxious for her to get here but I'm also scared of a lot of things.  The first being that I will make it to 40 weeks without any problems.  I think I wake up at least two or three times a night and wait to feel her move. I'm scared of labor and all the things that can possibly come up during labor.  I'm scared I won't know what to do once we have her home with us.  Will I know what she needs? Will I be able to breast feed? And the dialogue in my head goes on and on. 

We are trying to learn as much as we can before she gets here, but I know there is nothing that can prepare you for a tiny person who depends solely on you to survive. Our first baby class this weekend opened my eyes wide to this fact.  It was called baby basics and was mainly about what you need to know after birth.  How often they need to eat, how to give baths, how to swaddle, change a diaper, etc, etc. The teacher had a lot of her own stories about her colicky little boy and getting mastitis from breast feeding and I was thinking to myself, do I know enough about all of this?? It seems like I could screw this up pretty easily...

After class Steve and I thought we should head to the store to grab a few things for the baby that we didn't get at our showers. I think every trip to BRU brings on panic.  And my mind starts working over time again, so many options....do I really need all of this?...what is the difference between this brand and that brand?....how many of each thing do I need?  Thank God for Steve in these situations is all I can say.

Next weekend starts the birthing class series....I'm ready to be freaked out enlightened.

8 comments:

  1. Ah, after the post I just put up I can't really give you a hard time for having some very real and understandable fears but I can tell you these things and hope it helps:

    *Your body can and will deliver that baby, think of all the women that have done it before you. You can do it!

    *All you need when you bring home your baby is some onesies, a blanket and some diapers. The rest of it will come from the hospital if its a must have! Honestly, they don't do anything other than eat, sleep and poop for the first couple weeks. :)

    *You're going to be a great mom and I feel like spanking your baby basics instructor for telling any sort of horror stories. BAD LADY!

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  2. I guess the anxiety never stops, it only gets focused on a new step... I'll be sending you my best wishes for a healthy baby, which is really what really matters in the end.

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  3. I think your natural instincts will kick in once that beautiful baby is in your arms.

    Just remember you will have your wonderful blog community to cheer you on and help answer your questions or ease your fears.

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  4. I think all of these thoughts are completely normal. I know I have had all of them myself too. I agree that instincts will kick in and you'll just know what to do. At least I'm hoping that's the case! :) You will be a great mom!

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  5. I'm sure you'll do great! I guess it's about getting to know the little one and find the routines that works best for you =)

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  6. just rememeber how overwhelming the world of IF was trying to figure out what to do or not do. Trying to learn as much as you could and do what you could. At the end, you didnt have control over the outcome, you just went in prepared and hopeful.

    Hope you can find a way to realize that unlike the first stages of IF, you have a deadline to your happy ending- it will be here before you know it, and you definitely dont want to let anything come in the way of enjoying your new baby girl.

    Deep breaths and know that you can do this.

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  7. You and Steve will be awesome parents!! There are no first time moms that know what they are doing, I'm pretty sure. I don't have any advice for you except this (and really, what do I know?)--trust your instincts and love that little girl with all of your heart! You will figure it all out. Consider it "on the job training".

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  8. You are going to be a fabulous Mommy, right out of the gate!

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