Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Cash, Check or Charge?

Today I called to make our final payment on our IVF procedure….there’s no turning back now (as if we would even think about turning back).  Tomorrow is our base line ultrasound and injection teaching.  I’m excited about this visit because everything will seem more “real”.  Right now all we have is a bunch of paper work, my bag o’ drugs (that I have no clue what to do with) and my imagination (believe me- it’s running wild).  I remember being a little girl with my dolls, playing house and knowing that when I grew up I’d be a mom to a real baby.  I thought having a baby would be easy; so many people do it so why would I be any different?  But after you can’t “just do it” it affects every part of your life.  Every month becomes strictly scheduled- counting days, peeing on ovulation predictor kits, timing intimacy, getting blood tests, peeing on home pregnancy tests, negative….repeat next month.  You start to feel like less of a woman; you start to become depressed and distance yourself from friends, all you see is pregnant women and couples with babies, you start to wonder- why can’t I have a baby when it seems like everyone else can? I’ve asked myself a million times, what if God doesn’t want me to be a mom? 

Well….I’m going to put up one hell of a fight.


4 comments:

  1. Man, this one really gets to me! Just know that you are never, and I mean NEVER, any less of an amazing woman through all of this... no matter what!

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  2. If there is one thing I know about you is that when you put your mind to something there is nothing that will stand in your way to reaching it. Have faith in God and have faith in modern medicine. This will work and when it does you will forget all about the needles, medical appointments, peeing on sticks and everything else because you will have a little one to think about. And he or she will have a lot of people that care about him/her so when it's all said and done you are going to have the offset family of us all. This blog is a great way to get your story out and I'm proud of you for doing it.

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  3. This is why I love you both so much. Amazing. Thank you so much for your comments. <3

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  4. Love this post... So many women don't know how lucky they are. I feel that all that we have gone through makes us that much more blessed to have such precious gifts inside! I made amazing friends through blogging about my experinces, we laughed, cried, and screamed together... and I can't wait to experience the next steps of motherhood together! <3

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