I apologize in advance for this downer of a post...but sometimes the worst thoughts go through my head. Mostly this happens when I'm alone or when I'm trying to fall asleep. I start thinking about all the terrible things that could happen to this tiny baby growing inside me.
Last night (while Steve was at class) I cuddled up with my new pregnancy book- Your Pregnancy Week by Week. Little did I know... the chapter titled Week 8 is all about miscarriage. Thank you for that uplifting chapter! They mentioned all the different types of miscarriage: chemical pregnancy (been there), ectopic pregnancy (done that), regular miscarriage (yes, that one too) and then they started talking about "missed or silent miscarriage"- this scared the shit out of me. In case you don't know, this is when your baby is no longer alive but you don't know it. No bleeding or anything. I can't even imagine what this must be like to go through and I pray that I will never find out.
As soon as Steve got home I told him I was nervous (which he hears a lot) and he said- "We're going to be nervous for the rest of our lives now". Light bulb moment. He proceeded to tell me that everything is going to make us nervous going forward and even after the baby is born we are going to be nervous. Are we giving it the right food, are we raising it right, is this the right daycare and on and on.
I'm not sure what the moral of this post is but I needed to get it off my chest. The thoughts don't stop and I guess they never will. What started with IF nervousness has turned into pregnancy nervousness and hopefully in 32 weeks will transform again into parenting nervousness.
Stupid Week 8 chapter!!
ReplyDeleteWe need to keep learning to manage that nervousness and know that we're doing (and will continue to do) the best we can!
Uhhg sorry you had to read all about that, I guess Steve is right, it's never going to go away, the darn nervousness, so IF was good prep for pregnancy and pregnancy is good rpep for motherhood! No fun no fair!
ReplyDeleteI've never looked at it the way he put it, but it's SOOOO true. I don't think it could have been put any more perfectly, actually.
ReplyDeleteNow just skip over chapter 8 and see what chapter 9 talks about!! Hugs :)
That chapter is no help at all, well, knowledge is good but darn it you know this to well already.
ReplyDeleteHope you find your ways around these feelings.
OMG! I just read that same chapter last night....actually I read the first few paragraphs and then I threw the book across the room! It was such a downer.....sending positive thoughts your way today!!
ReplyDeleteA friend of mind recommended the book "Fearless Pregnancy" a while back, and I still refer to it sometimes :) It goes over all the REAL stats, and debunks the myths, and stresses that our bodies were made to have babies and we need to trust them. Easier said than done of course, but I think it's a great read :)
ReplyDeleteYour husband has summed it up well! Gosh that made me angry thinking about that book-definitely skip to chapter 9!Hugs and hope those nervous feelings dissipate soon xo
ReplyDeletePut down the book...you don't need to be reading about any of that kind of stuff! I understand where your fears come from though! I had a missed mc two years ago and I think that is why I am so freaked out this time around. We can go through this together! My next US is tomorrow at 8w3d. When is your due date?
ReplyDeleteWell, now I feel bad, since I recommended that book. I promise the rest is actually very informative!
ReplyDeleteSteve is a smart man. I know, I keep getting nervous, but what he said hit home. I just need to do my best and accept that that is all I can do.
I hope your nervousness starts to calm down a bit.
Seriously not a chapter I'd be happy to encounter! I think it's good to give voice to your fears and nerves... it always helps me to get it out.
ReplyDeleteSteve sounds like he's going to be a wonderful father. It's endearing to hear both his acknowledgment of how you were feeling at the time, as well as his acknowledgment that you are doing the very best that you can.
Sending hugs and prayers your way and hoping that this pregnancy is filled with much health and happiness!
Maybe try some vapid chick lit since once the baby is here your "me time" will disappear!
ReplyDeleteNerves are good, stress is not. ACtually, I shouldn't be giving this advice. Be as nervous as you want!
sorry to hear you are having a down day . . . but sure sounds like you have a supportive husband beside you!!
ReplyDeleteone of my best friends once told me that as soon as you have a child your heart beats outside of your chest! a good way of telling me how scary and sacred motherhood must be!
I had to stop reading IF books before bed because I caught myself being overwhelmed by all of it and then not able to sleep. Find a good fluff book and make that the only one you keep by the bed!
first....lets ignore that chapter please bc nothing but good things are going to happen to you and your baby from here on out. You will have a baby in your arms in 8-9 months and then you can worry about everything else from there like, will they be popular or when they fall how big of a bruise they will have. Love it, enjoy it and as always....we are here for those off moments when you need to vent :) xo
ReplyDeleteI asked my RE when I could stop worrying, and he said when the twins turned 40!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Steve...now there are new forms of nervousness. I wish you only the best for a healthy and happy pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteWow, forget chapter 8. Stupid book, hopefully the next couple chapters are better.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great way to see things. May your worries evolve accordingly and may you have a healthy baby!
ReplyDeleteI think you're right--once you're a parent you're always nervous about something. Totally normal :)
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